Tuesday, December 4, 2012


I sit here in the midst of multi-tasking...listening to a meeting, monitoring work, reading a blog.  None of these things has my absolute full attention but none of them are demanding it either.  Just when I thought I wanted to write a blog post...my brain went left.  So I've lost my train of thought...and along with it the cars of wonderful nuggets of brilliance that I wanted to share.

Can you help me find it?


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Whine and Cheese

Write it down on the calendar, that is two blogs in one day! Well...its mostly because I said on FB that I would only whine once. And I hate saying it again to the fam.



HURTS! :'-(

I know, I know, surgery is supposed to hurt. But aren't they supposed to give me adequate medicine to keep the pain at bay? It's like my ankle is in a vice grip, trying to pop it out of my leg. I try to confuse my brain by squeezing my nails into my hand, because your brain can only focus on one area of pain at a time. And it does while I'm squeezing but as soon as I stop it comes screaming back to the forefront of my mind. It freaking hurts!!!!

Keiko, Fabio, Nemo...so can't wait to see it in 3-D its going to be beautiful!

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Strong girls...weak partner?

Day two after my surgery and I'm feeling more pain than yesterday.  Which is normal as the anesthesia is about all wore off.  Then God smiled at me and I noticed that my pain medication says I can take 1-2 pills every 6 hours!  Niiiice.  At least for this mornings dose because I was feeling it for sure.

For the first few days I am totally non-weight bearing.  Which means not only can I not walk without crutches (I am also scooting around in my improvised wheelchair, aka my office chair) but I can't get off of the facility without help.  MLP was tired this morning, having slept so light because of my whimpering and checking on me, so I enlisted the help of Miss A to get to the kitchen, make some coffee, eat my breakfast and then it was time to use the facilities.  I tried to get up with her help but couldn't remember how MLP and I did it the night before.  Then I tried to figure out how to do it myself, which was a fail.  So, I'm sitting there and I start to cry.  Which freaked out Miss A and had MLP come running because he thought something was wrong.  Nothing was wrong except the humbling realization within myself that I truly can not do anything right now alone.  I have to depend on someone else.  This, for me, is a difficult pill to swallow.

Being an only child, I learned to self entertain.  I didn't have to share unless I chose to because I had friends over.  My parents also raised me to take care of myself, get the job done and to not have to depend on them or others.  Which is not a bad thing, in and of itself.  However, this trait has not been a blessing to my marriage.  I just take care of everything.  If MLP didn't take care of it the way I wanted, I just never asked him again and took care of it myself.   It's a very humbling experience to realize at 6:30 in the morning, while sitting in the facilities, that so much of what I'm unhappy about is my fault.

In raising our girls to be strong, empowered women, we must not forget (ok I must not forget, some of you out there probably figured this out) to teach them to be good partners.  It's ok to ask for help.  It's ok for it not to be done a certain way, that your way works for you but someone else's way can work just fine to.  Your's is not the only timeline out there.

I think, most importantly for myself, I need to realize something.  As funny as this is going to sound, being weak is not a sign of WEAKNESS.  As humans, we formed relationships because no one person can do everything.  We formed villages, communities and civilizations for this reason as well.  There is no one person who can provide everything for themselves.  Even shipwrecked on an island, you are dependent on  someone having lost something and it washing up on shore.  Or someone having packed something on your plan so you can find it in the wreckage.  A very wise man once said to me "Asking for help is a sign of strength.  It is saying that the outcome is more important than who made it happen".

This morning, the outcome was getting me standing.  How I got on my feet, not the big deal.  Just that I got there.


PS...MLP I love you!!!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Amazing Human Body

Our bodies are amazing.  Actually, all living things are pretty amazing.  I've never understood how people can look at the world and not believe in God.  Its all too structured and ordered and too many things fit together perfectly for there not to be a design and a designer. 

What brought about this realization?  A torn Achilles tendon.  On Tuesday I snapped it.  On Wednesday I got this narley boot that has made all of the difference in terms of pain and mobility.  Last night, on Friday, I had taken my boot off and my foot felt almost normal.  I was even able to move it around in ways that I hadn't been able to in the previous days.  No, it was not a miraculous recovery.  The Dr had told me that my brain would find ways around the injury and would start using other muscles/tendons to do the job it needed to do.  But to have that be true was simply amazing.  I'd spent the last 48 hours try to push my foot down to stare at doing nothing.  And my body figured out a way around it.  Of course, as soon as I tried to walk God laughed at my presumption by sending stabbing pain through my ankle and calf.  But still.  Truly amazing. 

Friday, July 20, 2012

Ta-dah! Dueces

Yay me!  I came back for a second time and it didn't take me weeks...ok more like months to do it!  Doing a boogie woogie chair dance. =)  Anywho...so today I have two thoughts.  First thing that made me want to get out here was my pride in figuring out what I think of as a great learning experience for Miss A.  She has airhead disease (otherwise known as ADD in girls) and is very prone to forgetting to do things or not completing them before moving on to others.  It makes it very difficult not to "punish" her for these things (like leaving the fridge door open, the garage door, leaving homework unfinished on your desk, leaving finished homework that you worked on for 2 hours sitting on the kitchen table) but at some point its just got to have something done.  So...today.  I come out of my meetings to grab me some lunch.  And what do I find?  The milk sitting on the kitchen table!!!  Along with a full juicie (Capri sun thing for those not in the know).  And the bowl sitting on the counter.  I was angry!  This made me angry because she had come and asked to go have lunch with a friend and I said fine, just make sure everything has been picked up.  So my choices on seeing this are 1. Outright defiance or 2. Her brain went in one direction and she got distracted.  I gave her the benefit of doubt and went with 2.  So her learning experience is...picking up a bucket of rocks!  We have a bunch of small rocks around our back yard from the rock bed that used to be around our tree and from the dirt we've had brought in.  I explained to her that I want ROCKS...no dirt.  No sticks.  ROCKS.  This will take her some time to do.  And make her pay attention to what she's doing.  Brilliance in my mind.  Feel free to comment on ways you've given your children out of the box learning experiences!

Now...thing two.  Is anyone else annoyed by the Motts for Tots commercial?  They start it off with cute lil munchkins talking about how they know their Mom loves them, then segue/segway(not sure how thats spelled but you get the gist) into how, if you love your toddler, you'll give them Motts for Tots.  Just annoys me.  Frankly I think if you love your child you make sure they get food period.  And water.  And a roof over their head.  And a place to sleep.  I know this, because I looked it up.  The State of Texas told me so.  And I remind Miss A that that is all I have to do.   Oh, I also have to make sure she goes to school in some way shape or form.  Not give her Motts.  For tots or otherwise. 

LGFN!  (Just as a reminder, LGFN is Later Gator for Now!  See my first post for my brilliance in deciding on this vs TTFN) =D

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Bloggedy Blogg Blogg Blogg

As much as I love reading bloggs, you'd think I'd be better at writing mine.  Nope.  Inconsistent as all get out.  And I promise I am constantly thinking, Ooooo!  I should write that down in a blogg later.  That is some funny stuff running around in the old cranium.  But...then I don't.  And I forget.  Til something new and funny pops up.  Such is the life.  But...on to other things.

It's now 2/3 of the way through summer.  That is such a weird thing to wrap my brain around because that means that it is now 1/2 of the way through the year.  We went and registered Miss A for her new school and I can't believe she is already in 8th grade.  Its just odd.  I updated my blogg picture so you could marvel at her growth of the last 2 years.  Also notice my shrinkage.  Especially in the face.  But anywho.  Eighth grade is such a milestone year.  First full year as a teenager in school.  High school just around the corner but still a lot of moments of little kid left to have.  We've already broken the boyfriend barrier and I think she learned a lot, some of it the hard way.  But I think those lessons can only be learned that way.  She is such an only child.  IMHO, only children are a very special breed.  They are this weird combination of adult and child all wrapped up in one space.  For Aleisa, she's been like that since she was around 4.  People would marvel at having conversations with her that it's "just like talking to a grown up!".  That has definitely become a curse because now that she THINKS she's a grownup....lets just stick with the its a curse thing, lol.  It's interesting to watch her interact as she has a fantastically wonderful inner child.  She has no problem getting down and playing in the dirt or Barbies or whatever it is that the younger children want to do. Then there are the times when she's all like "Oh I want to see Magic Mike so bad!"....um...WTF?!?!  I am so NOT letting my 13 year old watch a movie about strippers.  Are you f-ing crazy?  Such is the dichotomy of our lives.  But I can count on her to understand things ("Sorry honey, but its just not in the budget right now.  If you want to go mow a yard or something, you can earn it for yourself.") and I am trying really hard to keep the line of communication open about S3X. God, its awful and awkward but necessary.  I vomit a little everytime I hear her say that she heard so and so did this or that.  If we could just shrink wrap them til they are out of college, life would be so much easier!!!  Instead, I get to say things like "Yes, drinking is fun.  But you've seen how stupid people look when they drink too much.  And you don't have to drink to have fun, look at Mom." (and before you roll off your chair laughing at how I'm lying, it is the truth.  I have a ton of fun without drinking.  Yes I have a ton more when I do drink but it just doesn't happen all that often anymore.  Because somebody around here has to be responsible and laugh at all the dumbassedness that goes on when folks get stupid ;-)  )  Or my favorite, thanks to Khloee Kardashian, is "Remember, every time someone has s3x with someone, they are saying "Why yes, I am ok spending the rest of my life tied to you in some way shape or form, even if it means talking in an angry whisper because you missed your child support payment again and I don't want our kid to know I'm talking bad about their Dad".  Remember I said awful and awkward?  It's funny sometimes too =)

I think that's all I've got to say about that.  Life is like a box chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.  And if you get that nasty disgusting cherry one, spit that shit out real fast and grab another one.  It might be full of nuts...and yes, I meant that. lol


Thursday, March 1, 2012


For some reason, 31 is coming at me much harder than 30 did.  There just seem to be more changes in my life this year that are screaming at me "LIFE IS MOVING!  Jump on and start enjoying the ride!"

Miss A turned 13 and that has been tough.  In reality, she's had the teenage mindframe for about 8 months but I think that is pretty common.  I remember in the 2 months before she started 6th grade I relented and got her an American Girl doll.  I didn't really want to buy it because I knew the stage was coming to a close but it was one of those moments where I just didn't feel like telling her No...again.  One comment I made was "I better not see this doll on the floor or in the closet in 6 months!".  While its not on the floor or in the closet, I don't think I've seen it in awhile. 

I've also been staring at the Insanity DVDs for over a week now.  I had all the plans in the world to start it last Monday but for some reason God or Life or Kharma (however you wanna look at it) decided that I needed to swerve a little bit and I haven't quite straightened my wheels out.  But I WILL start the program.  I was so excited to get it and while I don't think I can get even close to their pace(like somebody else's 10 ft pole close is about where I'm at) its all moves that I loved loved loved doing last year when I was able to see a trainor at the gym.  I just haven't made the decision on whether or not to show my 31 year old body to the world.  I want that t-shirt for sure (when I've earned it!) so I'll definitely be taking pictures but I don't know.  Maybe I'll use it as incentive to keep at it?  Once I can say "Yeah, that was me then, this is me NOW!" it won't be so bad to share it with everyone. At least, that's what she said. ;~)

I am thiiiiis close to also trying to figure out where I'm going with my next 29 years.  Medical research just keeps jumping out at me and the goings on in my life right now seem to be pointing me in that direction too.  It sure is a lot of science...and by that I mean a weekly 3 hour friggin lab on top of going to lecture for 3 hours.  But if I can make the grades and discover how to help others it will be worth it in the end.  Right?

All and all, I just hope when I am sitting somewhere typing my blog next March 1, is that my life is in a better place than this.  I really really really dislike (trying to practice what I preach and not say hate) not knowing what is going on or feeling like I have no control.  Especially the no control.  The saying "Give it God" is probably the hardest for me to follow.  Because if I'm not the one getting it done, how can I be certain it gets done?  Or gets done the way I like it?  I know He has plan and I'm just too close to see it right now but still.  Why give us free will and then not be more free with the plan?!  Don't you know that us control freaks need that information?!  And that without it we go just a leeetle bit crazy?! Seriously!?!?!!  Okay...sorry...I'll go over hear and smell the rainbow poop for a minute and be better.  Cause what doesn't smell better than sparkley colorful shit?