Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Whine and Cheese

Write it down on the calendar, that is two blogs in one day! Well...its mostly because I said on FB that I would only whine once. And I hate saying it again to the fam.



HURTS! :'-(

I know, I know, surgery is supposed to hurt. But aren't they supposed to give me adequate medicine to keep the pain at bay? It's like my ankle is in a vice grip, trying to pop it out of my leg. I try to confuse my brain by squeezing my nails into my hand, because your brain can only focus on one area of pain at a time. And it does while I'm squeezing but as soon as I stop it comes screaming back to the forefront of my mind. It freaking hurts!!!!

Keiko, Fabio, Nemo...so can't wait to see it in 3-D its going to be beautiful!

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Strong girls...weak partner?

Day two after my surgery and I'm feeling more pain than yesterday.  Which is normal as the anesthesia is about all wore off.  Then God smiled at me and I noticed that my pain medication says I can take 1-2 pills every 6 hours!  Niiiice.  At least for this mornings dose because I was feeling it for sure.

For the first few days I am totally non-weight bearing.  Which means not only can I not walk without crutches (I am also scooting around in my improvised wheelchair, aka my office chair) but I can't get off of the facility without help.  MLP was tired this morning, having slept so light because of my whimpering and checking on me, so I enlisted the help of Miss A to get to the kitchen, make some coffee, eat my breakfast and then it was time to use the facilities.  I tried to get up with her help but couldn't remember how MLP and I did it the night before.  Then I tried to figure out how to do it myself, which was a fail.  So, I'm sitting there and I start to cry.  Which freaked out Miss A and had MLP come running because he thought something was wrong.  Nothing was wrong except the humbling realization within myself that I truly can not do anything right now alone.  I have to depend on someone else.  This, for me, is a difficult pill to swallow.

Being an only child, I learned to self entertain.  I didn't have to share unless I chose to because I had friends over.  My parents also raised me to take care of myself, get the job done and to not have to depend on them or others.  Which is not a bad thing, in and of itself.  However, this trait has not been a blessing to my marriage.  I just take care of everything.  If MLP didn't take care of it the way I wanted, I just never asked him again and took care of it myself.   It's a very humbling experience to realize at 6:30 in the morning, while sitting in the facilities, that so much of what I'm unhappy about is my fault.

In raising our girls to be strong, empowered women, we must not forget (ok I must not forget, some of you out there probably figured this out) to teach them to be good partners.  It's ok to ask for help.  It's ok for it not to be done a certain way, that your way works for you but someone else's way can work just fine to.  Your's is not the only timeline out there.

I think, most importantly for myself, I need to realize something.  As funny as this is going to sound, being weak is not a sign of WEAKNESS.  As humans, we formed relationships because no one person can do everything.  We formed villages, communities and civilizations for this reason as well.  There is no one person who can provide everything for themselves.  Even shipwrecked on an island, you are dependent on  someone having lost something and it washing up on shore.  Or someone having packed something on your plan so you can find it in the wreckage.  A very wise man once said to me "Asking for help is a sign of strength.  It is saying that the outcome is more important than who made it happen".

This morning, the outcome was getting me standing.  How I got on my feet, not the big deal.  Just that I got there.


PS...MLP I love you!!!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Amazing Human Body

Our bodies are amazing.  Actually, all living things are pretty amazing.  I've never understood how people can look at the world and not believe in God.  Its all too structured and ordered and too many things fit together perfectly for there not to be a design and a designer. 

What brought about this realization?  A torn Achilles tendon.  On Tuesday I snapped it.  On Wednesday I got this narley boot that has made all of the difference in terms of pain and mobility.  Last night, on Friday, I had taken my boot off and my foot felt almost normal.  I was even able to move it around in ways that I hadn't been able to in the previous days.  No, it was not a miraculous recovery.  The Dr had told me that my brain would find ways around the injury and would start using other muscles/tendons to do the job it needed to do.  But to have that be true was simply amazing.  I'd spent the last 48 hours try to push my foot down to stare at doing nothing.  And my body figured out a way around it.  Of course, as soon as I tried to walk God laughed at my presumption by sending stabbing pain through my ankle and calf.  But still.  Truly amazing.