Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Strong girls...weak partner?

Day two after my surgery and I'm feeling more pain than yesterday.  Which is normal as the anesthesia is about all wore off.  Then God smiled at me and I noticed that my pain medication says I can take 1-2 pills every 6 hours!  Niiiice.  At least for this mornings dose because I was feeling it for sure.

For the first few days I am totally non-weight bearing.  Which means not only can I not walk without crutches (I am also scooting around in my improvised wheelchair, aka my office chair) but I can't get off of the facility without help.  MLP was tired this morning, having slept so light because of my whimpering and checking on me, so I enlisted the help of Miss A to get to the kitchen, make some coffee, eat my breakfast and then it was time to use the facilities.  I tried to get up with her help but couldn't remember how MLP and I did it the night before.  Then I tried to figure out how to do it myself, which was a fail.  So, I'm sitting there and I start to cry.  Which freaked out Miss A and had MLP come running because he thought something was wrong.  Nothing was wrong except the humbling realization within myself that I truly can not do anything right now alone.  I have to depend on someone else.  This, for me, is a difficult pill to swallow.

Being an only child, I learned to self entertain.  I didn't have to share unless I chose to because I had friends over.  My parents also raised me to take care of myself, get the job done and to not have to depend on them or others.  Which is not a bad thing, in and of itself.  However, this trait has not been a blessing to my marriage.  I just take care of everything.  If MLP didn't take care of it the way I wanted, I just never asked him again and took care of it myself.   It's a very humbling experience to realize at 6:30 in the morning, while sitting in the facilities, that so much of what I'm unhappy about is my fault.

In raising our girls to be strong, empowered women, we must not forget (ok I must not forget, some of you out there probably figured this out) to teach them to be good partners.  It's ok to ask for help.  It's ok for it not to be done a certain way, that your way works for you but someone else's way can work just fine to.  Your's is not the only timeline out there.

I think, most importantly for myself, I need to realize something.  As funny as this is going to sound, being weak is not a sign of WEAKNESS.  As humans, we formed relationships because no one person can do everything.  We formed villages, communities and civilizations for this reason as well.  There is no one person who can provide everything for themselves.  Even shipwrecked on an island, you are dependent on  someone having lost something and it washing up on shore.  Or someone having packed something on your plan so you can find it in the wreckage.  A very wise man once said to me "Asking for help is a sign of strength.  It is saying that the outcome is more important than who made it happen".

This morning, the outcome was getting me standing.  How I got on my feet, not the big deal.  Just that I got there.


PS...MLP I love you!!!

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