Thursday, December 2, 2010

Beauty and the...well just me

Now, this little slice of the internets is my world.  And since its my world, I can make anything I want be true.  Like, unicorns farting butterflys.  Or eating an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies is good for you and promotes six packed stomachs.  But in this one instance I'll just stick to the truth in reality.

And that truth is, I am so not a girly, high maintenance kind of girl.  In the last few years I've tried to become one, but my success rate is limited to those rare nights I am together with other adults.  Most of the time I am doing good to get dressed, much less fix my hair and put make-up on.  But here lately I've been trying harder.  Ok, I'm not going to fib its because four days a week I do leave the house to go to class.  Its difficult to convince others that you are a brilliant and witty person if you look like you just rolled out of bed.

I'm digressing again.  My daughter convinced me I really should get some boots (Mom, you can just slide them on!  Just like your Nikes but these will be cute!).  So I did.  Let me tell you, it was kind of difficult to find.  While I am shrinking I'm still a big chick with fat calves and I'm not trying to look like I have sausages above my shoes.  I finally found a pair of boots that were perfect!  Tall enough to tuck pants into but short enough that if I need to wear them under I can.  Only thing is the heel was difficult so I ended up getting a half size bigger.  They weren't a big deal getting on at the store with the little pantyhose things they give you so I happily brought them home.  Fast forward to trying to wear them in the real world.  Normal socks don't slip like pantyhose.  And I don't think your foot is meant to straighten to the angle necessary to get these things on with regular socks.  But, at least I'll burn an extra 25 calories every time I wrestle these things on.

Now that I have boots I needed some pants to go with them.  I follow the Stacy and Clinton Bible and try to always get straight leg or boot cut pants, to elooongate and give my body the illusion of length (again, this is MY reality lol).  Or some bs like that.  Those don't tuck all that great into boots though.  So I bit my lip and bought some of these skinny leg jeans things.  They were on the clearance at Target, so no biggie.  They're the right size so I just grab them and go (I hate trying things on at Target, I always feel like someone is watching.  Granted they look away quickly when its me but still...well if I take my top off they'd probably keep looking in awe cause the tatas are definitely a sight to behold as they are ginormous but I'm digressing again, lol)  So I get them home and hang them.  Today I decide that I should get dressed, cause I need to go to class and go get my tire fixed.  I slide them on and as they go up my leg they are sticking to them.  These things are tight!  Not "Oh dear Lord I can't breathe, somebody get me some pliers or a hanger to pull the zipper up" tight, but see above.  My pants legs don't touch the skin all the way down.  Fashionable or not, this could take some getting used to.  Maybe I should buy the pajamajeans....

I just don't know if I can do this.  Its bad enough  that I have a flat iron and more than 2 shades of lipstick now.  Not to mention some great jewelry that I can use to dress up that standard t-shirt.  Having to stuff my pants into shoes?  I hated doing that when I was a kid, why am I doing it now?  One word-ALEISA, lol



  1. LMAO! I hear ya! Who on earth decided skinny jeans should even exist?! That being said, I have these new boots....

  2. WOW ..ok except for the "trying harder" 2nd paragraph could be me?! LOL As for skinny jeans tired of Reg jeans gettin Bagged out by end of day so I TOO found some on a clearence rack by accident and tried em.. so far I can live w/ them... but yes strange. Dickies denim leggins .. check em out. So ANYWAY.... LOVED this blog Jess! One of your finest ...oh and Uni's farting Butterflies an Image I can never remove from my brain... not sure Im thankful?

  3. Lol...see? Misty I can totally tell the small people are not a permanent part of your household anymore. Otherwise you'd have totally gotten the Horton hears a Who reference!! lol
    The denim leggies are my next try...although along with the fat calves I have some thunder thighes so we'll see how that goes. It did make it worth it when I picked up Ms A and she goes "Oh my gosh MOM! You look so cute!" lol

  4. AHHHH Horton .. your right I had totally forgot ..and here I was giving you ALL the credit for that creativity...I just know how fascinating your mind is and I was SURE it came straight from you!